Friday, December 30, 2005

WAKE UP SAM!!!!
the world aint what u want it to be!! it never will.. things will never go your way as planned so mind as well sit tight and enjoy the ride!! people will never be what you want them to be, i'm a mistake of nature! never meant to be created, why did i swim so fast and strong when i was a sperm? was i dying to become human to suffer? what was i thinkin!!
i know its okay for people tohide things away from their friends and family, i do too esp my family, there are many things that they never should know. and i also hide things from my 'friends' and NO i'm not mad at her for hiding stuff from me. i'm mad at her for other reasons.. dun get me wrong.

my heart's premature beating is happening more frequently now...this is normal though when its nearing my exams...wish that i die?? bet you do... i do too!!!

for me.. i believe that only in death will you know how really cares for you, well.. right now i'm dying to see who are my true friends..so... C U!!!

crying in pain,
S
Fill Me Up Wif Ur Love
11:02 AM

Thursday, December 29, 2005

SUCH COINCIDENCE..TALKING BOUT LIARS
it gave me a shock, of all the people that had lied to me, it never striked me that she would be the one that will lie to me. it hurt me so much? why would she? it was only a simple question but why must she lie to me? i would never to her!! she means so much to me!! but i was really hurt by her!! :( how could she? haih.. i guess it won't matter much to her. i'm only some 'guy' in her life. no more than that. il still cherish what we had though. il never forget bout her. the times when i went to her place to buy her breakfast, lunch, or dinner. bring her to KLCC to watch movies, went to find her in a far away place, brought her around, cared for her n others, i'l also never forget the times she took care of me when i was sick, when i needed someone, and when i was down. well i guess she has already have someone in her life to fulfil her to care for her and someone she can care for as well, someone REPLACED me. one willl never know how that feels till they really experience it. trust me, u wont wanna feel that, let me tell you what that feels like lar, have you ever felt like garbage? something USELESS? something ppl are waiting to throw away? unloved? they say that you are their friends but just by looking into their eyes, you know that something is wrong. lied constantly! rumours, words, and hatred spreading around your back! passed on from friends to friends, slowly killing and sucking your very life out of you, anyways, mny heart condition is bk!!(unifocal ventricular ectopic) check it up!! its awesome!! GREAT!!its happening to me at nights only apparently. hehe. how i wish that i wont wake up one day.. sorry to say but its true, i've had enough of this world. what's the point!! we live to die! we polute the air, shortening our lives slowly bit by bit, killing mother earth, whats the point in living!! we are all bout to die one day. so WHY FUCKING LIVE!! to hurt and be hurt? we all know that we can't live in harmony and peace. chaos and disaster reigns!!!!!

done for,
samuel
Fill Me Up Wif Ur Love
12:41 AM

Saturday, December 24, 2005

SUCH LIARS!!
my gosh. one can never know how many liars are around them! people that they think are friends are actually lyin to them in their face and behind their backs! don't you just hate people like that? sometimes you just don't have any solid evidence that they are actually lying to you but they freaking are cause you can feel it! doesn't mean that if you can't see something means it's not there rite? well. i know that you are a freaking liar u ASS. if you don't wanna go out with me when i ask you to, don't give me bullshit excuses ok? cause i always see you damn fucking free if you are goin out with other people. WTF is tat? m i TAT STUPID??stupid i am, but not to that extent ok? just come straight to me la. why? scared? anyways. it's Xmas and it shud be holy.. haha. and yeah!!! ZU IS BACK!! well not literally, she is on the way back now. haha!! yeah!
There are also people amongst us that talk BIG!! saying sweet things to save their face whatever it takes even though it means to say bad things bout their friends adn make people hate them. i hate people like this. if i'm that kind of people, please let me know ok? make me realise please. last thing i wanna be is to be like them. there is this GIRL that used to mean alot to me, now she means less than shit to me. i found out that she has been saying such hurtful and bad things behind my back to all my other friends! for example she told them that what happened between me n her is MY fault whereas she is saying that it's her fault when she is talking to me. like WTF man. all she wants is attention, friends and to be accepted.. well. i know that u r not a christian but we buddhists believe in karma and believe me when i say this. 'YOU'L GET IT!! YOU'L GET IT ONE FINE DAY!! TWO FOLDS OF WHAT YOU DID TO ME!!' not to curse you but you'l see.. so you had better watch your back. stop hurting others while you still have the chance to. ok? no i don't hate you. I FORGIVE YOU.. but you are too much!! ok??

IF YOU DON'T LIKE MY ATTITUDE,
CALL 1800-WHO-CARES!!

over n out,
samuel
Fill Me Up Wif Ur Love
3:18 AM

Sunday, December 18, 2005

CABBIE AT YOUR SERVICE.....
for the past few days, i feel as though i'm like a cab driver for so many, my friends, my sister, my sister's friends, my grandfather. haih. but i shouldn't be angry because i'm lucky to be able to drive and have parents that trust me enough to let me drive out. hehe. i know somebody that their parents are so over protective and scared that their DAUGHTERS(hehe.. a hint) will be caught in an accident. hehe ok la. not all girl drivers are bad. i know a few gals that are quite good. hehe. ZuYi n Lc both drive fast but i'l say that Zu is the safer one. hehe. no offence Lc,Zu still has a clean record. hehe. i remmeber you had an accident when i was in the middle of my chemistry exam and so i rushed out of the hall and went to find you just to find a small dent on your bumper in which your dad finally changed for you. hehe. and oh btw, my results came out BAD!! hehe. i wonder why..I in the other hand, some would say i drive fast n safe, some fast n dangerous, some not fast enough n too safehehe..but i think that i drive like a road hog, a maniac..really fast and really dangerous (but nothing will happen) i need that sense of RUSHhHh in me. hehe. its addictive. normally people that have sat in my car, they say i'm nuts. most of them.hehe. so my car is not for the faint hearted, pregnant, high blood pressure n only for the fit and active youths.. i have a msg for the people out there. do what your parents say. not what they do ok? hehe. im tryin to slow down cause i made a promise to somebody d.
Fill Me Up Wif Ur Love
12:25 AM



I AM FIGHTING A LOSING BATTLE...
everyday i keep thinkin bout my life, my family, my friends, my studies.. it always comes down to a negative side, haih. i'm trying so hard to fix things but the problems never seem to stop!! it just keeps pouring in!! i'm hanging in there. i feel that a part of me is missing! i need that part back!! when will it come back!! i need it so badly so my pain won't be so unbearable!! i'm struggling but surviving..nobody can understand how i feel now. NOONE!!

~fighting a losing battle~
&
~losing a fighting battle~


in need of help!!
samuel
Fill Me Up Wif Ur Love
12:11 AM

Friday, December 16, 2005

i'm waiting for u. i'm waiting for u!!!
~dunno wats the song called..hehe~

faster hurry back ok? and dun forget to get my biltongs!!muahahaa.. miss ya lots zu.. everything is diff without ya.. have a great time there ok? go visit my cousins on the trees while u r at it.. hehe.. muax!! we all miss u loads
Fill Me Up Wif Ur Love
10:53 PM



SUKMA!!will i be seeing u next year??
haih.. confusion, indecision, uncertainty, anxiousness... will i be able to join SUKMA for fencing next year? well. though undecided, i have already filled in the form to compete in that game. even IF i'm able to make it for the games, will i be good enough by then? is it worth continueing on my training? it's burning a hole in my pocket! help!! what should i do!! somebody please help me think!!
Fill Me Up Wif Ur Love
10:42 PM



I'M So DowN & LoNeLY!!
my life is looking dull at the moment. oh wait. MY PARENTS are HOME!!! yeah!!!! im so happy! hehe. they bought me lotsa stuff from New Zealand. they bought me a necklace called 'Punamu' or something like tat. it symbolizes strength and determination. its a jade carved by a very famous craftsman in New Zealand. they also bought me a door sign sayin ' SAM's parking only, any other vehiclese will be towed away' hehe. i stuck it on my room door! haha. and dad bought me a colgone too. its giorgio armani's black code. the smell is very suttle. he said that my other colognes are too pungent. hehe. is it? i don't think so. IS IT? let me know please. hehe. other than that they also got me lots and lots of chocolates!! yeah!! time for me to get fat! haha.
thinking about zu in africa. haih. so lucky she get to go there. though i've been there three times d, i still wanna go! and knowing that our time difference is a whoppin 6 HOURS!! its like when i wake up, she jz started sleepin, and when im havin my lunch then only she is going to wake up. haih. so sad!! i miss africa so much! my cousin the baboons. see the resemblance?hehe.
i always wanna go for a holiday! but cannot! have to start studyin d. exam around the corner d. haih. i can do it! il start studyin. after i take a nap, fetch my sis from school and dinner and some tv..hehe..ok then. i better get moving!bye!!
Fill Me Up Wif Ur Love
4:01 PM

Thursday, December 15, 2005

My Day...
hmm. i've noticeed that i seldom blog about my day. hehe. well. feel like doin it now even though it's 2.15 in the morning.

9.00 a.m:
sis bangs on my door immediately waking me up. for that few seconds!! haha. then i went back to sleep as usual, then i woke up minutes later and i went downstairs to start 'gotong-royong'ing the house with my house unlike soe lucky people that has maids for this kind of situation. hehe. anyways because my parents are FINALLY coming back tomorrow gosh i miss them so much!! i thought that it'l be a good idea to clean this dump up. so me and sis got to work, i'm in charge of sorting our stuff and replacing misplaced stuff. hehe. and she is in charge of cleaning and moping the floor and bathing the dogs. haha.

11.00 p.m:
i got hungry cause i didn't take my breakfast and i went out to buy lunch for me and my grandpa. i ate it in front of my laptop while watching 'Hotel Rwanda' that show made me tear! haih. so touching and sad la. but i love it!! show ended around 1 something and i hurried up to get ready for college. oh. here is the fun part.

2.00 p.m:
i reached col and walked outside my class already then suddenly my friend told me that i missed the class. i was like WTF!! my friend said that Mr. Ling changed the time for our lesson to 12 to 2. WTF again!! i went there for fucks!! haih. i end up playing ping pong with eugene for awhile then i went back home.got home took a nap immediately on the sofa downstairs. somehow i was really tired

4.00 p.m:
woke up and brought my grandfather and my sister to ikea and tesco. hehe. i love ikea. i bought quite alot of stuff for my room and for my grandfather's as well. it cost around RM100++ all together. oh btw, i got the money from my mother's stash of cash haha. i know where it is and u don't!! nenenene boo boo.. hehe. and i know that there is at least RM1200++ left in that stash. hehe. and don't get me started with the american dollars in it as well. hehe. anyways, after ikea, we went to tesco to buy some groceries because my parents are comin back tomorrow already. got milk for my dad's coffee, toilet rolls for our asses. hehe. and others la. can't remember. all of them d.

6.00 p.m:
went back home,unloaded everything and i transfered my computer from my room to my sister's room because i don't need another com. hehe. anyways i already have two laptops to use. hehe. but i miss that com now.. :( had dinner soon after.i'm very worried bout my pet sis's aunt and uncle, the aunt has cancer and is very very ill, hoping for a miracle to happen ( please pray for her ) and her uncle has a very high blood pressure and was admitted to the hospital. haih. things just aren't fair in this world. haih.

11.00 p.m:
i went out to hartamas with viv for supper, and then went to college to teach her how to drive, our second lesson. OMG!! not for the faint hearted man. hehe. my car could have easily ended up on a freaking tree! hehe. sorry viv. but honestly, you are good for a beginner.hehe but u still need polishing. hehe. i'm considering that 3rd lesson. hehe.

2.00 a.m
drove home. and went online to blog. kinda pethatic right my life? it's 2.40 a.m now and i'm not tired at all. haih. the whole day, i feel that a part of me is missing. and i know why. haih. :( keep thinkin bout that empty space there. how?!?!?!haih. get a grip samuel!! you can do it!!

p.s: u r being missed.......
p.p.s: REALLY!!!

over and out,
samuel
Fill Me Up Wif Ur Love
2:14 AM

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

MY XMAS WISH LIST....
this is my FIRST time celebratin Xmas.. so i dun really know what i should be doin other than havin a wish list. i thought i'm suppose to be sending this list to santa claus. aren't i? can i have his address? all i know is that he is in the north pole. hehe. anyways. here is my wish list

1. .......................( im not goin to say wat this is because i hv already gotten it. hehe. YEAH!!! )
2. Fiat coupe 2000 turbo!!
3. a small apartment for 2 ppl or 3.. i like the newly constructed one.. dunno wat is it called but it is RM190,000 oh santa... i want it!! hehe
4. iPod nano 4GB
5. Xbox
6. a road bike
7. i dun really wish for much..all i want now is for my parents to come back quick and spend some time with them and be happy.. money can't buy happiness..so above all..i want happiness.. which i have found.. :)

have a merry merry christmas everyone!! (in advance ok??hehe)
Fill Me Up Wif Ur Love
1:05 AM



ZU left!!! HURRY BK!!
she's leaving, on a jet plane and i don't know when she will be back again....
have a safe and wonderful journey ok? u will be missed by all of us.. your outings with them wont be the same without u.. right guys? hmm.. don't forget to get me those delicious biltongs ok? try and find them for me please.. im dyin to have some of those raw flesh im my mouth!! muahaha!!!please be careful of what u do there ok? dun get lost ar.. it is goin to be very cold in the morning ok? so wear a sweater ok? am afraid that u might catch a chill. muax!! have a wonderful holiday zu.. come back safely...
Fill Me Up Wif Ur Love
12:43 AM

Saturday, December 10, 2005

WHAT I LOOK FOR IN A GIRL
well, you told me that you wanna know what i was thinking about right?well this is what is on my mind now : what do i look for in a girl.. a question commonly asked by the girls to guys. and a question guys have been trying to avoid so that what they say won't make them look like a bad bf or whatever. but do you wanna know what I look for?
ok. here goes, i wish to have a girl that is

1. always there for me, to care and stay by my side
   
2. someone that will tell me what she is doing and how she is doing and tell me all her inner most feelings
   
3. not scared of being who they are
4. not shy to mix around with other people and do stuff
5. love animals or just don't hate them or are scared of them la
6. i would love to see the imperfection in her perfection
7. well, if u ask me, i think that appearences aren't realy important to me anymore, it would be a plus but its not important. i know that by now most guys will say that i am lying but i have come to know that it's not important at all. :)
8. i like a girl that will listen to me at times and doesn't at times. hehe. because guys too want attention right?hehe.
9. someone i can let all my emotions out and sometimes let me keep them in at times.
10. be true and loyal to me. for i will too for her. :)

Fill Me Up Wif Ur Love
4:41 PM



ZU'S PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!!
seems like everyone is having a party nowadays. well. one thing is for sure. this is one of the BEST i have ever had in my life by far! her parents totally rock! especailly her mom! her cooking is so good! its so mouth watering! muaahahaha.. and her mom insists zu on letttin us drink alcohol!! isn't awesome?? hehe. well. the party drew quite a number of people. and it started off normal. hehe. it REALLY started when the parents left i think. don n cj they all started playin a drinkin game using carlsberg n tiger beer i think. and i had like 6 shots of sake with zu's parents before they left. oh btw. her mom got 2nd in a drinkin competition. WTF!! haha. she's totally at the top of my ' MOM THAT ROCKS ' list. hehe. the gang drank alot la. and i didn't really join them cz i was drinkin with zu's friends. they invited me to shots of sake, and when that finished, we went to havin shots of chivas regal, and when that finished, we went to brandy. haha. im so sorry zu for using up your parents booz. in total i had 14 shots of sake, 5.5 shots of chivas and 3 shots of brandy.MuahaHhahha. hehe. i was still quite ok i might say. hehe. i know that zu started gettin tipsy d when she starting sittin on the floor and lyin all over the place and banging into doors. haha. i wasnt that far away from her either. hehe. at the end, me and cj helped her into her room and once we dropped her on the bed, she stopped moving d. she's out. hehe. i have finally seen the famous zu drunk!! haha. after she got to bed, i felt better d. cause at least she's resting. and then i think i got drunk..from 12 o'clock to 3 in the morning. i have no idea what i did. hehe. but according to zu's bro the next morning, he said that i was running around the fields that time and i was sleepin in my car. hehe. after i threw up around 3 something, i got better and that's when i started to remember what i did. hehe. i got back to bed around 4 in zu's room cause i dun wanna sleep in the guest room with another guy with vomit spilled all over his body! haha. again, sorry zu for the trouble. i woke up early the next morning to go to col for my mocks! haha. i sort of lost my car keys so i didn't bring anything to col, no pens and calculator for exam. hehe. and i found out that i left my car keys in the car!!hehe. i dun remember that part either. hehe. anyways i did badly for my mocks la. haih. so pissed! anyways,nana, don, me, zu, and a friend of zu all got wasted. hehe. cj n lc were tipsy. thanx so much zu for the party. waiting for the next one. hehe.
Fill Me Up Wif Ur Love
4:11 PM

Monday, December 05, 2005

LEE CHEE'S SURPRISE PARTY!!! 03 DEC 2005
11.15 p.m 02 DEC 2005
i picked up zu from her house to go give lc a surprise. i picked her up wif my dad's lagreat! it's a monster car!! hehe it rides so smoothly. me, cc, n jean's new 'friend' and don drove so we hung balloons on our cars and set off to lc's house to surprise her. me and zu left early cz they are taking too long. we reached LC's area early and decided to wait for them and meet them at the shell station but then those people ar i tell u. they all went without us. haih. so pissed. nvm. me n zu were admiring the stars. hehe. we met up with them la. and we definitely surprised LC. cc did so many things for her man. so sweet of him. after that we set off to yum cha again. hehe. went back late late late late late.after dropping zu back home again. hehe. so tired. slept immediately
7.30 p.m 03 DEC 2005
im kinda lazy to blog bout LC's party now. cz i think alot of people have already blogged bout it.but i will say a little more stuff la. things that come to mind. erm. me n zu went to penny's house to pick up some tables and chairs. they needed a 'hot' car there to pick things up. hehe. so i went. haha. and then we brought the stuff to central park and set the things up there. cc's friends from klang were so nice to help out. they brought they amplifiers and other stuff for the party. and its a good thing i brought my laptop there. so we can listen to songs while partyin. alot of people complimented on my songs. haha. but i dun think sam liked it. that's probably why she took her cd from don's car to listen to it. hehe. we had chicken wings, garlic breads, marshmallows, mutton, fish, and lots more. penny is so nice to have helped out. thank you so much! and don started BBQing and man was it nice. i heard that he is sick so i took over and didn't want him to get even more sick. and i did i pretty good job myself. hehe. only a few burnt chickens. haha. after eatin, cc gave lc his present, a video he compiled with all of us wishin her happy birthday n stuff. its really funny. and when the video finished, his friends let go two boxes of fireworks across the pond and it was MAGNIFICIENT!!! i am so shocked!! i remember sayin ' cc marry me!! ' hehe. its so romantic la. and all the effort he put into making this a success. we left around 10 something and when i got to my car. i reversed it and it felt funny and someone told me that i had a flat!! apparently some guy or girl punctured my tyre on purpose. haih. more enemies. what did i do this time? i was so pissed i think i scared a few of the girls. i'm sorry. but everything was going so well then i had this problem to screw everything up. haih. i'm sorry LC for ruinin ur bday. i got help from the boys. cj lent me his brick n i used don's car jack. i called my parents in new zealand to help. it was around 4 in the morning there. hehe. sorry guys. then i manage to change the tyre and it was already around 12 something d. vivian wanted to go clubbing but i wasn't really in the mood then d. so i suggested to go yum cha enough d. so we went to 'ming tien' to yum cha. me, zu, viv, lc, shae ree, jimmy, chi jian, don, dan, ponny, and another guy i forgot his name d. me and zu had to leave early cause she is afraid that her mom might scold her for stayin out so late. it was around 2 something when we left. when we got into my car and i was suppose to bring her to her car at jox's house, she realised that her car key is with elaine so she couldn't drive back d. and she was panicin in the car. hehe. so i fetched her home n got her spare key and then all the way back to her car. hehe. i got home around 3 something. was so bummed out man. i showered and it was lights out for me d.hehe.



WE LOVE YOU LEE CHEE!!!! MUAX!!!

over n out,
samuel


Fill Me Up Wif Ur Love
8:36 PM